So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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