new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize