Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
