hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
