Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
