I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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