Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize