omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
