Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
It was confusing and full of hummus
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
