Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
