this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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