i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
