You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
