I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
