why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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