I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So much rum. So many feels.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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