That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize