how can u be prego again
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
