my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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