i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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