Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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