The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
