Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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