I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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