Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
