You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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