You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
