And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just want nice things and good sex
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
