OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
