I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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