Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
