the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
