In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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