I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
