I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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