She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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