Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
