my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I deserve this hangover.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
