if i can run in heels then i can drive
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
