Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
