craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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