Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
