Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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