I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
