I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
