i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
