she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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