you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
foreskin is a definite game changer
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
