I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
