i was born a porn star she said
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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