Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
