If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
