You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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