Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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