so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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