im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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