My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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