I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
