i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just google imaged poop.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
