Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We have so much sex to catch up on
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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