So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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