Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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