I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
