There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
