remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize