I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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