i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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