I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
