Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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