i just had sex bonerless
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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