So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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