she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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