dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
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i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
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Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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