So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
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you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize