I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
