girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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