i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
