Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
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I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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