How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
