Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
