Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
