i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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