Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
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The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
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It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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