well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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