i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
